Mr Bush's War: CACOs and NOKs

From the Casualty Assistance Calls Officer Course: Study Guide, a US Navy document that provides

...explanation of the three areas of Casualty Assistance Calls Officer (CACO) responsibility: notification visit, funeral arrangements visit, and the survivor benefits visit. Anecdotal discussions by chaplains and experienced CACOs are included to provide first-hand information and to give students an opportunity to address issues of concern. Additionally, case studies offer students an opportunity to apply the knowledge and skills presented in this course and to receive feedback on their performance...

"NOK" stands for "Next of Kin." An excerpt:

First In-Person Contact

Key Points for initial In-Person Contact

1. The information and examples in this list were compiled from interviews with experienced CACOs. These insights and approaches have been developed in a broad range of hands-on situations. Use your introduction to confirm the identity of the NOK. Use the NOK's name and the decedent's name as you introduce yourself and any others who are with you.

Example:

Mrs. Brown, I'm Warrant Officer Thomas Gray and this is Chaplain Orvec. We have some bad news about your husband, LT Frank Brown. May we speak with you?

If the decedent has a common name, or there is reason to doubt the NOK's identity, ask for confirmation.

Example:

Let me make sure that our information is correct. Are you the wife of LT Frank L. Brown who is assigned to the USS X?

2. A fearful survivor who has guessed the reason for your visit may refuse permission, irrationally believing that the message will not be delivered (and will not be true) if you are not admitted.

Talk quietly to the next of kin until you can gain approval for entering the house and closing the door.

Example: Could we please just step inside the door, Mrs. Brown? We need to talk with you privately.

THE IMPORTANT POINT IS TO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION.

3. If at a next of kin's place of employment, try to arrange a private room through the employer.

Example:

Is there somewhere we could talk privately with Mrs. Brown for a few minutes?

4. In most circumstances, it is preferable to have the next of kin come to a realization of what has happened on his/her own, and to be the first to ask whether their Navy relative is dead.

In the following example, the CACO's statements are given with typical responses from the NOK. Their may be no response at all as each of the statements is made, or the NOK may jump immediately to the conclusion and state that the member is dead.

Example:

CACO: I am LT Paula Smith, USN. Are you the mother of LT Frank L. Brown?

NOK: Yes, I am.

CACO: I have some news for you about your son.

NOK: He isn't dead, is he? Is he dead?

CACO: Yes, he is. I'm sorry to tell you that your son is dead.

Some CACOs may prefer a more direct method, such as this:

CACO: I am LT Paula Smith, USN. Are you the mother of LT Frank L. Brown?

NOK: Yes, I am.

CACO: On behalf of the Secretary of the Navy, I am sorry to inform you that your son was in a traffic accident in Rome, Italy, and was reported dead at 8:00 this morning.

NOK: No, there must be some mistake. Where did you obtain their information?

CACO: Regrettably it is true. It was reported by his commanding officer. I am deeply sorry.

5. Avoid euphemisms or vague language that may delay the NOK's acceptance of what has occurred. The words "dead" and "death" have a finality that has been found to be helpful for gaining NOK acceptance that the event has happened.

6. Gauge your next actions on the NOK’s response...

It helps to accentuate the positive:

2. Use positive language whenever possible. Even the most negative information can be reframed to emphasize positive aspects. For example:

Negative:
"The funeral cannot be scheduled yet because we do not know when the remains will be received."

"I do not have that information now, and will not know until tomorrow."

Positive:
"The funeral can be scheduled as soon we know when the remains will be received."

"I will have that information tomorrow."

The phrases have identical meanings, but the first ones are far more likely to trigger a defensive response...

Midwest vs Great Plains

Do you know where the "West Coast" of the United States is? How about the Rocky Mountains? Florida? The East Coast? Hawaii?

Good for you. It's nice to know what places are meant when I use these words, isn't it?

Now—how about the "Midwest"?

What about "Middle America" (a mysterious term that seems to come up with increasing frequency)?

The trouble is that these last terms don't really correspond to places, or if they do, they correspond to widely disparate areas.

There is a way out of this problem. Here's a map of the Great Plains. On the west, the Great Plains bump into the Rockies. Everything east of the Great Plains is the Midwest, until you run into someplace that has a descriptive term available (e.g, "The Appalachians," "the Great Lakes", "The Ozarks", etc).

Quiz:

Ohio? (answer: Midwest).
Omaha? (answer: Great Plains).

Two anagrams

SYNCH PECULIARS = NUCLEAR PHYSICS

TOWNS UNITE: ARCHFOOL OUTED = TWO THOUSAND FOUR ELECTION

Ike Cosse

Cold Blooded World.

I saw Ike perform at a farmer's market in Los Altos, CA. I liked his music and picked up one of his CDs to buy. He steered me away from the one I had chosen and said "This one is better. I was really feeling it in this one."

Looks like Amazon doesn't have it in stock but it's a great blues recording I think.

It's a cold-blooded world
Mean boys and girls
No smiling teeth
No "Thank you, please."

When a boy loves a girl
She walks away
One day he'll grow up
One day he'll say...

It's a cold-blooded world...

Beats "The Girl From Ipanema" all to hell.