From an Introduction by Lemony Snicket to Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs [...]

link (a mcsweeney's book)

If you enjoy tedious stories, you may read the following paragraphs for your tedious enjoyment, and if you don't, don't.

"I have an adorable announcement!" cried the King of Teddy Bear Land. "In honor of Princess Buttercup's marriage to Prince Appletree, we will have a Teddy Bear parade throughout the Town Square, which happens to be made of candy!"

***

"But if you're a wizard," asked Henry, "why can't you just defeat the Shadow Lord and his army of vicious porcupines with a wave of your wand?" "That's a good question, young Henry," replied Thistlewing. "You'd better sit down, because I'm going to take the next nine pages to explain what wizards can and cannot do in this particular magical land."

***

"Don't be silly!" cried the Long Division Worm. "Math is fun! Come with me and I'll show you!"

Bee update

The hive in the Valley Oak tree right in front of our house keeps growing.

CHRIS: Have you gone up to take any honey?

THANE: Are you kidding? It's got to be 20 feet up in the air!

CHRIS: I've got a ladder that long, and a bee suit.

THANE: I'm sure you do; you're a bee nut, and that's why I told you about the bees in the first place. But I'm interested in survival. I've read Winnie the Pooh, OK? I know what happens when someone gets an idea to get honey from a tree!