COPS: An appreciation

I like the TV show COPS.

Why?

#1) For its central teaching that criminals may be distinguished from the rest of us easily, because they do not wear shirts.

#2) For the introductory remarks of the police officer, accelerating in his cruiser just as he receives his next assignment: "I like this job. We're helping the community. Every day is different."

#3) For the big messes in the houses of the miscreant citizenry, for they are greater than my own.

#4) For its unintended demonstration that the drug laws in the USA are stupid.

#5) For proving that I'm right in assuming lots of other drivers on the road are drunk, stupid, crazy, or stoned, or worse.

#6) For its misplacedly-upbeat reggae theme song.

#7) For the earnest protestations of obviously guilty, just-apprehended people, who approach Shakespearean locutions in their attempts at appeasing the arresting officer.

#8) For its glimpses of everyday locations in cities I'm unlikely to visit: Wichita, Kansas City, Memphis.

#9) For its general sweatiness, which reminds me of Nebraska and the contrastingly temperate weather here in Palo Alto.

#10) For its omnipresence on cable TV.

#11) For its transparently vapid moralizing.

#12) For its images of people jumping out of a car and running to capture (or escape), for these are central themes of human activity for over 500,000 years (except for the car part, that is).

#13) For its view into the human condition as it's lived today on porches with beer cans, kids in diapers, funny uncles, and unpleasant relatives.

#14) For the possibility of violence.

#15) For the possibility of sex.

OK—I've listed 15 reasons, but I'm sure there are more...