oh yes, i might have been an oxbridgian

At CNN, Admission questions to Oxford, Cambridge called 'out there':

You might expect Oxford and Cambridge universities to ask prospective students to compare the works of Chaucer to Boccaccio or to explain the theory of relativity.

Instead, Oxford wants to know: "Would you rather be a novel or a poem?"

Cambridge asks applicants: "What would you do if you were a magpie?"

At last, something I know I could excel in, the provision of long answers in response to nonsense questions!   It comes to late for me, having slinked away from academe like a demoted associate professor long ago, but let's just have a peep at some of these questions, and I'll do my very best.

And good God, here's a gimme to start off! 

Question 1 [oxford]: If it could take form, what shape would the novel To The Lighthouse become?

My answer:  It would take the shape of the letter Q.  Q is something one is sure of, something a person can demonstrate.  But after Q, what comes next, R is ---  what is R?  I'm clenching myself, I'm steeling myself, pardon me for a moment (theatrical cough) --- after Q comes....what?   Qualities that would identify me as the leader of the expedition, the person last left standing after the storm, these things would allow me say what comes after the letter Q....what is Q?   Where is my pipe?  I am not a genius, I'm not one of those people who can run through the entire alphabet in order from A to Z, no, but there is another possibility that I could, with care, recite the entire alphabet from A to Z in order, without errors from the very beginning.  I do not claim to be a genius.  Back to it then.  L M N O P ... Q  ?    R?  What is R?  I say To The Lighthouse is shaped like a Q.

[ that's right --- I'm paraphrasing, from memory, one of several passages of this book that I've got in my head.  Even one I blogged in a pre-blogging era, [where?]  ah well, about twenty years ago here.  ]  

Question 2 [oxford]:  How do you organize a successful revolution?

My answer:  With ideas.  [ If asked for more details, I'd elaborate on Google spreadsheets as an excellent collaboration tool ]

Question 3 [cambridge]: Do you think you're clever?

My answer:  I can only assume you are asking whether I'm Jewish.  No, I'm not.

Question 4 [cambridge]: Instead of politicians, why don't we let the managers of IKEA run the country?

My answer:  Because then wastebaskets would be named "Tromdoffel", couches would be "Sprendel," and even distinguishing simple cutlery from wire baskets that look good now but in fact will be revealed to be crap once "assembled" and hung in one's own kitchen will be a challenge.  No, let's keep those managers in place, and serve them a hot cup of Fjordensplatt to keep them all occupied.